July 1, 2013 Six years! So many emotions continue to run through my head and my heart. One comment that I have discovered to be so true; you never “get over” the death of your child, you “get through it” with God’s strength. I am finally ready to share our story.
The day after Tonia died I started writing. It started out in a blog post just to keep friends and family members informed about the facts. Facts such as when and where the funeral would be held and what was happening in court. I discovered that the more I wrote the more I was able to see God. My journal became my therapy. My way to ask the questions that had no answers. I was able to get angry and then work through my anger. I was able to share my broken heart and lean on God to begin to heal me. I started to write down stories about Tonia that I didn’t want to lose. I truly believe that we all have our story and that when we share it with others we also share God.
I have combined my blog and journal into one unit. It has not been professionally edited or condensed. It is my thoughts and emotions as I experienced them. When Tonia died we had so many questions. How do we cope with planning a funeral for our child? How do we handle talking to the media? What can we expect from the legal system? How do we respond as Christians? How do we even survive the loss of a child? How can we hold on to each other so our family remains intact? Who do we turn to?
We looked for answers to these questions in books, from blogs, from our Pastors, from other parents, and from the legal team working with us. It was a painful process. We stumbled so many times. Grief caught us unaware. Through the years we discovered that we could survive and even thrive with God’s help. Friends prayed for us. Friends cleaned our house, made us food, gave us a gift of a weekend away, and sat beside me waiting for the phone to ring. My journal shares our journey.
I have decided to release my book as a print on demand book and as an e-book. The proceeds will be going to Noble Warriors.
I am sharing this publicly with the prayer that if it can help just one person navigate through a storm in their life by leaning on God, then it will, in our small way, glorify God. Thank you for sharing our journey!