Rick & I recently celebrated 29 years of marriage! Wow! What a rollercoaster it has been. Today I can say that I am more in love, I am more loved and I am more content than I was 29 years ago. There are some evening when we are sitting side by side and only a few words are spoken. We are tired from a long week, We have talked all day and I have finally used up all of my words or it is one of those moments that no words are needed. We are content to be with each other. It is such a sweet but still weird feeling. It is weird only because life has conditioned us to fill every moment with noise. Living where we do we get away from noise. We retreat into our home where the only noise at times is the sound of nature. The birds are cheeping and singing, the wind rushes through the trees and creates music, the hummingbirds squeak as they gather their nectar. It is peaceful.
This was not an easy place to get to. Our lives had to learn quiet! Our hearts had to turn to God and to each other. We needed to learn to trust! Trust took time, effort, hard work and lots of words. Our communication skills needed to become about the other person. I had to learn not to overwhelm Rick with all of my words the minute he got home from work. He needed time to make the transition from work to home. Rick learned that I needed to talk just to process my emotions. When I am scared, I talk! When I am happy, I talk!. When i am stressed, I talk! When I am mad, I get quiet!! He learned to understand that my lack of communication meant that we had a problem!
I learned that he talked when he wanted feedback on solving a problem. He talked when he needed my advice on how to see another point of view. When he was quiet, it meant that he was tired or content to just be still.
I have a thought process that can jump from one topic to an entire new topic in a split second. I learned how to explain my “mind bridges” in order to explain myself to Rick. It was funny trying to explain how the conversation went from picking up the laundry to pink elephants dancing on the ceiling! The looks on his face was priceless! Over the years he has learned how to process my mind bridges most of the time!
I have learned that when he has that “scowl line” between his eyes that an issue is really bothering him. I know to wait for him to talk. When he is ready to share then the words spill out and his face changes and becomes more peaceful!
Marriage takes time, work and a lot of patience but when you care about your spouse more than yourself the reward is peaceful silences!